I was watching whodunnits and detective-style entertainment — the idea of mind mapping, sleuthing and reading and solving deep puzzles and riddles has always fascinated me — escape rooms, riddles, murder mysteries — all of it pulls the same way. Tonight it struck me differently. I felt that in the end, these are stories. Each ends with the brilliant solve, in a turn. But I can live deeply in those moments, mere seconds, and work through my mind. It’s like exercising my brain and it feels so good. Critical thinking and solving make me feel! I can’t explain it but it’s like a craving that drives me.

When I say live deeply in those moments as mere seconds I mean when I zoom out, I know how it ends. It always does, predictable and honestly simple to see if I pause. But live, living in those moments it feels alive and fresh. Those are the moments. I forget what’s going to happen and focus on what’s happening. A firework blasting in the sky is breathtaking and awe inspiring but it’s only a fraction of what holds value yet excites all the senses. A good solve, riddle, puzzle and story feel the same for me.

The solving makes me feel alive. I am connected no longer to time in a story because it happens in “real time.” It’s not a passing but a feeling inside the time. It’s the most aware moments but only after they pass.